


Eighteen

by taegyungie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: All side/mentioned/other relationships in the notes, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Nonfamous, Coming of Age, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:59:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9827687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegyungie/pseuds/taegyungie
Summary: Baekhyun is eighteen years old when school has been let out for summer vacation and the breeze is warm and gentle on his face and through his hair as he swings on the swings and forgets that in a couple months he’ll be off to college and working even harder than he’s ever worked before.Or, in which he's helplessly in love with his best friend, and it takes him forever to come to terms with it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Here's some of the other pairings  
> -Very briefly mentioned Baekhyun/Minseok  
> -Some Baekhyun/Taeyeon  
> -Also Yixing/Song Qian  
> -That's pretty much it I think
> 
> Just to warn you: I'm terrible at replying to comments. If you leave a comment on my works, I promise you I read it, probably cried, showed it to my girlfriend because it made me so happy, but didn't have the words to say to thank you for appreciating my work. 
> 
> This is based very loosely off the song 18 by 1D because 1D may be dead but their music still rocks, okay.

Baekhyun is seventeen years old when Yixing transfers to his school.

 

It’s the middle of the school year and Baekhyun is always somewhere between exhausted and anxious and he doesn’t sleep at night because his mind doesn’t shut up. He walks the halls with shadows under his eyes but a grin on his lips. He passes his tests with respectable grades and he jokes around with his friends and his teachers like him. They tell him he has a winner’s smile. He tells them there’s no contest for him to be winning.

 

When Yixing moves to his school, to his grade, everyone talks about him but no one talks to him. Baekhyun hears mumbles and murmurs about the new Chinese exchange student; his Korean is choppy, his eyes are beautiful, he’s very good at math. Baekhyun doesn’t pay him much mind. He’s too busy worrying about the bluish tint on his bottom eyelids and figuring out what he’s apparently winning. 

 

One day, however, Baekhyun is in the school’s library, staring at the blinking cursor where he’s supposed to be typing, willing his brain to stop spinning and spinning and spinning for  _ one second  _ so he can focus on the task at hand. His mouth feels a little dry because he forgot to pack a bottle of water in his lunch today. His eyes are itching because he didn’t sleep last night. He was too busy laying on his back, staring at his ceiling, and putting together word-for-word  _ exactly  _ what’s refusing to transfer from his brain to his fingertips right now. As if his mind isn’t distracted enough, there’s a tap on his shoulder.

 

He blinks at the person sitting next to him. He sees Yixing. His eyes are pretty, like all the girls he hangs around with have been saying. He’s wearing a shy smile, pillowy lips curled up and a blush painting his cheeks a faint shade of pink.

 

“What is it called when you know you’ve seen or done something before?”

 

“Uh,” Baekhyun says, still blinking, “Deja Vu?”

 

Yixing shakes his head. “No, no, like you  _ know  _ the thing from before. Like… it’s familiar.”

 

“Oh,” Baekhyun tilts his head to the side, “you mean recognize?”

 

“Yes! Thank you.” Yixing turns back to whatever he was typing up on the computer beside Baekhyun’s. “I’m still a little… unsure. With most Korean vocabulary.”

 

Baekhyun just sits in silence for a moment. He watches the characters appear on Yixing’s screen as he types away - albeit slowly - without registering anything the characters are actually saying. He thinks for a little bit about the sound of Yixing’s voice; how it’s sweet and melodious and his mispronunciations just make it  _ that much  _ more delightful. 

 

Then he says, “You’re doing a fantastic job, so far.”

 

And Yixing turns to him with a beautiful, brilliant smile on his face. His cheek sinks into a dimple and Baekhyun can’t stop looking at it. “You think so?”

 

Baekhyun smiles in response. “Yeah. Your Korean is almost as good as mine, and I’ve been speaking it my whole life.”

 

“You should learn my language,” Yixing says, the corner of his mouth pulled into a crooked little smirk. He turns back to his screen, the monitor reflected in the moisture of his eyes. Seriously, why are his eyes so shiny? “It’s very different. But I think you’d learn it quick.”

 

Baekhyun chuckles, an odd fluttering filling his chest. “What makes you say that?”

 

“I can just tell,” Yixing says, with that sugary voice of his. Baekhyun feels a breath rushing out of his lungs, a weight off his shoulders, a sudden need to curl up and nap. “You seem like you’d pick it up quickly.”

 

“I am a pretty fast learner.”

 

“Here’s an idea!” Yixing cheers, his voice far too loud for a library. They get a few pointed stares, but that doesn’t stop Yixing from expressing his excitement. “I’ll teach you Mandarin if you help me with my Korean!”

 

Baekhyun thinks he might be blushing, but he isn’t entirely sure. He also doesn’t know why he would be. “I don’t think that’s very fair. Your Korean is far better than my Mandarin.”

 

“But you said you’re a fast learner. And I’m a fast teacher. Yeah?”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what comes over him. But admiring the way Yixing’s pretty eyes widened and his lips puckered the tiniest bit as he stared back at Baekhyun expectantly, hopefully, silently begging for his compliance, Baekhyun couldn’t find it in him to do anything besides shrug and nod.

 

Yixing giggles - a pretty, pixie sound - and says, “I’m Yixing, by the way.”

 

“I know. Everyone talked about you for about two weeks after you moved here.” Baekhyun notices how Yixing’s cheeks heat up at the comment. “All good things, though.” Yixing chuckles. Baekhyun feels relieved. “I’m Baekhyun.”

 

“I know,” Yixing says, his voice chipper. Baekhyun’s eyebrows raise in curiosity. “You make a lot of noise, you joke around a lot. It’s hard to miss you.” When Yixing glances over in Baekhyun’s direction, there’s a hint of something wondrous stirring in his irises. “Also, there’s a piece of hair at the back of your head that’s always sticking up, and it’s kind of adorable.”

 

Baekhyun splutters, stammering over something to say, but Yixing is soon staring resolutely at his monitor, back to typing up whatever project he’s working on. Baekhyun just reaches up to flatten the back of his hair, a furious blush on his cheeks. Yixing is humming a little tune under his breath, sweet and pretty and kind of soothing. Baekhyun suddenly remembers everything he wanted to say in this essay.

 

\-----

 

Baekhyun is eighteen years old when school has been let out for summer vacation and the breeze is warm and gentle on his face and through his hair as he swings on the swings and forgets that in a couple months he’ll be off to college and working even harder than he’s ever worked before.

 

Yixing is with him, as he always is. It took no time at all, for them to end up this way, inseparable and co-dependent and unapologetically comfortable in each other’s presence. Baekhyun can speak a decent amount of Mandarin, and will occasionally switch over to Yixing’s native tongue in the middle of conversation just to watch the delight pass over the elder’s features. It’s still far from perfect. But Yixing appreciates his effort. Especially since they’re able to share secrets around all their other friends, and no one else knows what they’re saying.

 

The sun is starting to set and Yixing uses a hand to stop Baekhyun’s swing from continuing its motion, causing him to jerk about in the air a moment before he’s settled and still, a little breathless as Yixing grabs him by the wrist. 

 

“Let’s go up to the top of the hill,” Yixing says, that same sparkle in his eye. The one that Baekhyun recognizes as the sparkle that appears when Yixing is particularly excited about an idea. So, as always, Baekhyun goes along with it.

 

They walk hand in hand up the hill behind the park. It’s grassy and rocky, uneven and unkempt. It’s Yixing’s favourite place. From the top of the hill there’s a wonderful view of the neighbourhoods below and he has a terrible habit of sitting there and staring at it for hours at a time. He’ll sit and he’ll stare and Baekhyun will have nothing to do besides wait for something to be said, or talk even though Yixing isn’t listening.

 

Except Yixing is always listening. He doesn’t always respond, he always appears completely distant, but Baekhyun’s learned over time that Yixing is  _ always  _ listening. It’ll be something quick, whispered late at night, when Baek is sleeping on Yixing’s floor next to Yixing’s bed, and it’s so quiet and so brief that Baekhyun will almost miss it. Things like, “I don’t think you need to work as hard as you do,” or “they probably just didn’t get it. You’re very funny.” Baekhyun appreciates Yixing and his attentiveness, greatly.

 

“This is our last summer as children,” says Yixing.

 

“Please,” Baekhyun scoffs, kicking at the ground. The sky is glowing orange and the air is warming his skin and he follows Yixing as he sits down in the grass. “I’m no child.”

 

“No? I think we’re just kids.” Yixing begins pulling at the grass, yanking them from their roots and tossing the blades aside. Baekhyun watches as he does this, grieving the death of those blades of grass, thinking the earth might grow cold without them.

 

“Why would you say we’re just kids?”

 

“Have we experienced anything that adults do?” Yixing says. He turns to Baekhyun, face twisted in puzzlement, pondering everything he’s ever done and ever will do. Baekhyun blinks back at him, reaching for the discarded blades of grass and pulling them into his lap. “We don’t buy groceries. We don’t have jobs. We haven’t been in love.”

 

“I thought I was,” Baekhyun says. Yixing’s face perks up.

 

“Oh, really?” He sounds unconvinced.

 

“Yeah,” Baekhyun sighs, leaning back on his hands and looking out at the horizon. From the corner of his eye he can see Yixing watching him, those striking eyes piercing into him the way they always do. “Her name was Taeyeon. She’s a couple years older than us.”

 

“You think you loved her?”

 

“Sure,” Baekhyun shrugs. “She was in the drama club with me and we became really good friends very fast.” A wave of nostalgia hits Baekhyun suddenly. Running lines in Taeyeon’s bedroom, the walls covered in posters of idol boygroups that made Baekhyun feel infinitely inferior. Her mother insisting he stay for dinner, her smile just as pretty as Taeyeon’s. He blinks, frowns, sighs. “Now that I think about it, though… I think I only liked her because I was  _ supposed  _ to like her, you know?”

 

Yixing pauses a moment to think. “Yeah, I think I do.”

 

“I mean, she was pretty and she was smart and she was very nice to me. I think I liked her because my friends liked her. They’d slap me on the back whenever I was heading off to go run lines at her house. Tell me to practice safe sex. You know,” he chuckles, “guy things.”

 

“Guy things,” Yixing says, somewhat bitterly.

 

Baekhyun hums. He kicks lazily at Yixing’s thigh and Yixing smiles back at him. Baekhyun continues, “I think I liked her because I told myself to like her. Because that’s what was supposed to happen.”

 

Yixing hums in response. “Have you had your first kiss?”

 

Baekhyun chuckles a little bit. He drops his chin to his chest, lifting a hand to pick at the grass accumulated on the fabric over his stomach. “Yeah. I kissed her in the school courtyard. She just giggled and pat my hair and told me she liked me as a little brother.”

 

Yixing tosses his head back and laughs. His laugh is so melodic and pretty and Baekhyun envies it. “Ouch.” Then, “I haven’t had mine.”

 

“I...” Baekhyun begins to say, but stops himself before he says something stupid. “That’s okay.” Another kick to Yixing’s thigh. “We’ll find you a nice Chinese girl in college.”

 

Yixing will be going to the same college as Baekhyun. When they both got accepted, they cheered and cried a little bit and Baekhyun had wondered why it took hardly two months for Yixing to become such an important friend to him. Baekhyun will be studying early childhood education, while Yixing will be studying the fine arts. Yixing is an amazing musician, Baekhyun learned a while ago, and although Yixing tells him his voice is phenomenal, Baekhyun’s never heard something as wonderful as Yixing’s fingers plucking lazily at the strings of his guitar at one in the morning. 

 

“I don’t need a nice Chinese girl,” Yixing says with a smile, finally turning away from Baekhyun to gaze down at the view below them. “I have you.”

 

Baekhyun throws his head back and positively cackles. The sunset is warm on his arms and the breeze is tossing his overgrown hair over his forehead and his best friend is so stupidly wonderful and Baekhyun is happy. When he calms down, lifting his head back up to meet Yixing’s eyes, he sees him smiling at him with this strange sort of fondness that makes his chest feel tight and his stomach twists in knots.

 

“What?” He asks, still a tad breathless from his laughing fit.

 

“Your laugh,” Yixing says fondly, “it’s devastating.”

 

“Devastating?” Baekhyun giggles. “And here I thought you were getting good at Korean. What word do you actually mean?”

 

Yixing shakes his head, the silly little smile still not gone from his lips. “No, no. I meant that word. Devastating.”

 

Baekhyun cocks his head to the side but doesn’t question him further. Rather, he turns to look out at the rooftops below them, the orangey glow of the sunset warming their colours, and wonders how many more opportunities he’ll have to sit up here with his best friend and think about everything life has given him and what it has yet to give.

 

\-----

 

Baekhyun is twenty years old when Yixing finds a nice Chinese girl.

 

He has no right to feel bitter. He has no right to feel jealous. He has a nice girl of his own, even, after he’d run into Taeyeon at some party freshman year and she had grabbed his face and told him he’d grown so much since he was just the short little sophomore with puppy-dog eyes. And then she had shared with him things she would  _ not  _ have shared with her little brother and Baekhyun had felt a tad starstruck with his oldest crush before him, even more beautiful the older she got, and he couldn’t find it within himself to do anything besides take.

 

Baekhyun’s roommate is the tsundere and honest Kyungsoo who cooks a decent meal and stays away whenever Taeyeon is over. Yixing’s roommate is the loud and goofy Chanyeol who can do anything perfectly on his first try but his ego is so nonexistent you would never assume the man could be full to bursting with so much talent. They all get along and they all spend time together and as Baekhyun dedicates more time to studying and to Taeyeon, he’s losing track of where Yixing’s been going and what Yixing’s been doing.

 

Her name is something Baekhyun doesn’t recall, won’t recall, doesn’t want to recall, but her eyes are wide and beautiful and her voice sounds like bubblegum and Baekhyun wonders why he can’t be that delicate and pretty and look that lovely with Yixing’s arm around his waist. But he shakes his head and tells himself he’s being silly and smiles politely at whatever Yixing’s nice Chinese girl is saying to him and thinks about that time he got too drunk with Yixing and spent ten minutes internally talking himself out of reaching forward and kissing his best friend. This nice Chinese girl has probably kissed Yixing. He suddenly feels something boiling underneath his skin and he itches at his wrists.

 

“She’s great, huh?” Yixing asks him when they’re standing by the bar a few minutes later. He looks annoyingly handsome in that black t-shirt. Baekhyun remembers when he bought it.

 

“She’s very pretty,” Baekhyun says, because that’s the only thing he can honestly say without being offensive.

 

Yixing hums, paying for his beer and bringing the bottle to his lips. He leans back against the bar, watching out at wherever his nice Chinese girl is chatting with a few of her friends. “How are things with Taeyeon?”

 

“Things are fine.” He doesn’t really know how things are with Taeyeon. They spend time together and she tells him he’s handsome and he tells her she’s beautiful and they have sex and then one of them has somewhere to be. She’s nothing but habit, it feels like, and Baekhyun feels like he’s bored and lacking something that he can’t quite figure out. He stays with her because he feels like he’s supposed to and that reminds him of the fact that he only really likes her because he’s supposed to. 

 

He constantly feels as though he’s incredibly close to what he’s supposed to have, and no matter how much faster he runs, he can never quite catch it. His blue under-eyes have returned, lately, the more hollow, the more exhausted, the more unsatisfied he feels.

 

Yixing, however, is glowing. He always is. He’s beautiful, Baekhyun thinks, with his creamy skin and his high cheekbones and his pillowy lips that are always an electric shade of pink. The older they get, the stronger Yixing gets, the taller Yixing gets, and the more Baekhyun notices the breadth of his shoulders and the strength of his chest. Baekhyun sighs, willing himself to stop looking, and takes a prolonged sip of his own beer. 

 

Yixing’s nice Chinese girl makes a reappearance, then, and Yixing smiles sweetly at her before leaning in to press a quick kiss to her lips and Baekhyun tries not to audibly groan. He remembers a time when Yixing smiled at him that way, when they were atop that hill when they were only kids and Baekhyun wouldn’t admit to that fact. When Yixing had tried to convince him that they knew nothing, had their whole lives ahead of them, and Baekhyun thought only of his past and how old days without sleep was making him feel.

 

He wonders how he earned that smile, back then, when all he did was laugh at Yixing’s joke and enjoy the way the summer breeze felt on his flesh. Yixing gives too much, all the time, Baekhyun’s learned, and he wishes Yixing would just  _ take  _ for once in his life.

 

Baekhyun glances up at where Yixing is murmuring something to his nice Chinese girl, a mischievous glint in those striking eyes of his, and Baekhyun suddenly feels a hint of gladness. Yixing deserves to look at someone with that shimmer behind his irises, regardless of who they may be.

 

\-----

 

Baekhyun is still twenty years old when he can’t do this anymore.

 

“What?” Taeyeon says, her eyebrows pinched and her mouth downturned. She’s pretty, so pretty, and Baekhyun feels a hint of grief in the pit of his stomach.

 

“I’m sorry, Tae. I just… don’t like you.”

 

She stands there for a long moment, staring at Baekhyun’s face. He isn’t sure what she’s looking for, but he doesn’t think she finds it. Her face looks irreparably sad and Baekhyun feels irreparably guilty. He knows he’s supposed to like her, love her, even. He just… doesn’t.

 

“I… after all this time? And you don’t even like me?” She says, her voice sounding so small. She’s usually so strong, so certain, and Baekhyun feels terrible for causing her voice to tremble like this. 

 

“You’re smart. And you’re pretty. But that’s all you are to me.”

 

She blinks and Baekhyun can physically see her thinking. She takes a deep breath. She pulls her cardigan tighter around her waist. She shakes her head. “Go fuck yourself,” she murmurs, grabbing her purse and slamming his dorm room door behind her. Baekhyun sighs and does the only thing he knows how to do when he feels this way.

 

He lands face first on Yixing’s bed, undeniably aware of the weight of Yixing’s gaze on him. He sighs, obnoxiously loudly, and he’s glad Chanyeol is out right now because he kind of feels like he’s going to cry and he doesn’t know why. He didn’t even  _ like  _ Taeyeon. Why is he so sad?

 

“You okay, buddy?” Yixing’s voice is eternally soft and beautiful and the urge to cry spreads even further in Baek’s chest.

 

“I broke up with Taeyeon.”

 

He’s still face first in Yixing’s sheets - which smell musky and clean like he always does - but he knows Yixing is frowning in concern. He hears a sigh, some footsteps, and figures Yixing is grabbing his phone off his desk.

 

“Let me cancel my plans with Song Qian. I have alcohol.”

 

Yixing is Baekhyun's dearest friend in the entire world. Yixing is gentle and he is kind and he is honest with his feelings without ever being hurtful. He’s just the right amount of quiet for Baekhyun’s amount of loud and while Yixing is so serious most of the time the two of them always find something to laugh and joke about. Baekhyun trusts Yixing with his life. Baekhyun thinks Yixing saved it their senior year of high school. 

 

Yixing always knows the right thing to do or say and right now the right thing is pouring Baekhyun glass after glass until he eventually just gives up and hands him the rest of the bottle, grabbing a second bottle for himself. Baekhyun has had so much he feels his skin burning bright and his mind swimming somewhere thousands of feet below the surface. Yixing’s shoulder and hip is pressed against his as they sit side-by-side on the floor with their back’s against Yixing’s bed and Yixing locked the door and texted Chanyeol saying the dorm is absolutely Off Limits tonight and that he can go sleep in Baekhyun’s bed. 

 

“I just don't know why I feel so sad, Yixing,” Baekhyun says after a long moment of silence. Yixing had chatted his ear off about his classes lately just to distract Baekhyun and while Baek genuinely appreciates that, he's eager to just get out what he needs to say. No matter how slurred and indecipherable it may be to Yixing’s ears. “I didn't even,” he hiccups, “I didn't even like her.”

 

“Then why were you dating her?”

 

Baekhyun frowns, slumping sideways and resting his head on Yixing’s shoulder. Yixing instinctively wraps an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders, warm and comfortable and familiar. “Because I should like her. She… has everything, you know?”

 

Yixing says nothing. He only hums and squeezes Baekhyun tighter. His hands are so warm and his voice is so familiar and suddenly Baekhyun feels every emotion bubbling up inside his chest until it's overflowing, and his lungs release a broken sob as he huddles into Yixing’s shoulder. Tears stain Yixing’s sweater. Yixing just holds him through it. 

 

“I don't know what it is I want, Yixing. I don't know what I’m looking for,” he bawls into the fabric of Yixing’s sweater. He always smells the same, has since high school. Baekhyun thinks about that day on top of that hill. How he’d nearly suggested that he be Yixing’s first kiss. “Taeyeon has everything I should want. Why didn't I feel like it was enough?”

 

He has no idea if his words actually sound at all close to the way they do in his head. In his head they're crisp and clear and eloquent but aloud they're buried beneath layers of gasps and hiccups and sobs and slurs. Yixing strokes his hand up and down Baekhyun’s arm, as soothing and comforting as Yixing could possibly be. Which is plenty. 

 

“I’m so lost, Yixing.” Another shattered sigh. He hadn't realized at what point he started gripping Yixing’s sweater in his clenched fists. “Why can't I feel happy?”

 

“You’ll find it,” Yixing says with a soft voice. “You’ll find what makes you happy.”

 

Baekhyun tilts his head up, studying the concerned, sallow, serious expression of his best friend as he stares down at him. He looks as though he could move mountains for Baekhyun if that could fix this problem. He looks as though he wouldn't move for the rest of his life if Baekhyun only asked him to stay. 

 

Baekhyun’s mind is irreparably fuzzy, however, and instead of forming words and asking his friend to be there always or thanking him for having been there always or anything of the sort, he just closes his eyes and leans the slightest bit forward. There are hands on his shoulders and he's too dizzy to even register that he’s being picked up but he can hear Yixing murmuring something about Baekhyun needing to go to bed. 

 

“So emotional when you drink,” Yixing grumbles, after he’d struggled to free Baekhyun of his pants while the latter had just lied limply and uselessly on the bed, sniffling and whining. “You're a mess,” is what he says, but his tone is soft and loving and Baekhyun reaches a hand out and whines. 

 

Yixing gives him a nod before sliding under the covers alongside him, letting Baekhyun wrap his arms around his waist and rest his head on his chest and find the comfort he needs in the steady sound of Yixing’s healthy heartbeat. Baekhyun finds too often that his heart feels like it's skipping, leaping, dancing, stopping. It’s nice to experience one that remains constant. 

 

\-----

 

Baekhyun is twenty-one years old when he finds what will make him happy. 

 

The semester is over and next year they'll be seniors and he and Yixing decided to return to that hill that hovers over the neighbourhoods their families live in. It’s like they're kids all over again, together, alone, with only the warmth of the sunset to keep them company and Baekhyun lays in the grass with his head in Yixing’s lap. He thinks about that time all those years ago, when they were eighteen and foolish, and Baekhyun thought he had it all figured out and Yixing tried to convince him he was far too brave for just a kid. 

 

Yixing was right. Baekhyun is an adult, now, by technicality, and he has no idea who he is, where he is, or what his compass is trying to lead him to. 

 

Yixing is talking about his nice Chinese girl, who he's been dating for a long time. It makes Baekhyun feel a little bit sad to see that way Yixing’s eyes light up when he speaks of her. He feels as though he should have been that way with Taeyeon; enthusiastic and happy and genuinely interested in the person he dedicates his time to. She’s back in China until the new semester starts and Yixing misses her and Baekhyun misses a time when Yixing said he didn't need any girl as long as he had Baekhyun. 

 

He’s looking up at his friend as his friend looks out at the scenery before him and Baekhyun’s heart is doing that skipping, leaping, dancing, stopping thing. Yixing is so incredibly beautiful, with his sharp eyes and his structured features, and his lips that look like pillows dipped in pink dye. Before Baekhyun even realizes what he’s doing, he's lifting a hand to rest against Yixing’s cheek while digging his thumb into the softness of his bottom lip and his breath catches somewhere between his chest and his mouth. 

 

Yixing looks down at him, then, a little confused, but his expression softens and Baekhyun’s pretty sure he’s never felt this feeling before. Like his skin is buzzing and his mind is spinning but instead of him feeling disoriented and sick, he feels giddy and excited. Yixing is so beautiful. And as his face floods with a million things that Baekhyun can't decipher, staring back at the latter with those powerful eyes of his, Baekhyun realizes why he couldn't love Taeyeon the way he was supposed to. 

 

Baekhyun’s body is warm, from the sun and the air and the gentleness of Yixing’s gaze. The elder leans into his touch, the faintest bit, his own hand coming up to rest atop the back of Baekhyun’s. His eyebrows pinch together and he gazes down at Baekhyun with this strange sort of sadness and Baekhyun suddenly remembers that Yixing has this girl he likes - maybe loves - and he drops his hand before he does something stupid like  _ finally  _ kissing him. 

 

Baekhyun can feel his heart hammering against his ribs and he wonders when it started beating again. It suddenly all makes sense. He’s simultaneously overjoyed and miserable. He knows what he was looking for. He also knows it's not his to take. 

 

Taeyeon wasn't what Baekhyun wanted, but it doesn't have to be Yixing, either. He recruits his friend Sehun, who he knows is entirely sure, and entirely open about the way he is, and Baekhyun wants to figure it out for himself and he knows Sehun would be happy to take him out, introduce him to friends, let him try things on for size. 

 

He barely sees Yixing all summer. He spends his nights at bars he used to scoff at, meeting beautiful men with strong hands and pretty smiles. He kisses them and he sleeps with them, and he thinks that this might be better. His relationship, his fling, with striking eyes and a gummy smile named Minseok is brief and fleeting, but he felt more satisfied under his touch that he ever had with Taeyeon under his. 

 

Yixing does not know. And Baekhyun doesn't know how to tell him. And although he knows that Yixing is a good, supportive, unconditionally loyal friend, Baekhyun feels like telling him, “I’m pretty sure I’m gay,” will tell him so much more than only that. There are some things that Baekhyun doesn't want Yixing to know and it's only so that Yixing can live happily with his nice Chinese girl without feeling guilty, or like he's let Baekhyun down. Because Baekhyun has known Yixing for a long time, and he knows Yixing would feel exactly that. 

 

\-----

 

Baekhyun is twenty-two years old when he finally gets what makes him happy. 

 

It starts when Yixing barges into his room when they're both supposed to be studying for finals. Kyungsoo is at his desk and Baekhyun is on his bed with his laptop and Yixing’s footsteps can be heard from down the hallway until their door is swinging open and there he stands. He looks angry and Baekhyun just blinks up at him and pretends he doesn't notice the way Kyungsoo glances between them. 

 

The door is slammed behind Yixing as he stalks toward Baekhyun with an outstretched finger.

 

“ _ You, _ ” He seethes. “Why didn't you tell me?”

 

Baekhyun is incredibly confused but mostly terrified. Yixing has  _ never  _ been angry at anything in his life, much less Baekhyun, and the way his skin burns red at the tops of his cheeks and his outstretched finger trembles is so foreign to Baekhyun all he can do is blink. The disappointment and the hurt is evident on Yixing’s face and Baekhyun feels guilty but mostly confused. Confused and terrified. 

 

Yixing shakes his head. He says, “I've been your closest friend for  _ years  _ and it takes having to listen to one of Chanyeol’s buddies talking about how great your ass looked while he  _ fucked you  _ for me to find out that you're gay?”

 

There’s movement at the other side of the room. Kyungsoo mumbles something about needing to leave and closes the door behind himself leaving Baekhyun alone with Yixing and the truth. Yixing’s chest heaves out a sigh and through the anger Baekhyun can see the sadness. 

 

“I just don't understand,” Yixing says as he plops down on the corner of Baek’s bed, “why you wouldn't tell me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” is all Baekhyun knows how to say. His voice is small, almost absent, and he can't look up at Yixing’s face anymore. Yixing’s face is hurt and it's sad and it's disappointed and Baekhyun feels terrible for hiding something so important from his best friend. 

 

“Why?” Yixing’s voice is always too soft and too sweet. It makes Baekhyun melt and no matter how many men he falls into bed with to try to forget, he winds up falling asleep to that soft and sweet sound swimming through his mind. 

 

“Because… there are some things you can't know.”

 

Baekhyun doesn't need to look up to know that Yixing is staring at him with a puzzled expression and a lot of hurt swamping his irises. “Like that you're gay? You know I don't care about that.”

 

“It isn't that. But…” he takes a breath and he can feel Yixing watching him as he waits for him to continue. “One confession leads to another and another and there are some things you can't know.”

 

It takes a while for Yixing to say anything more. Baekhyun’s heart is aching. 

 

“I thought we told each other everything, Baekhyun.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

They sit there in silence for a little while. The gears in Yixing’s brain are audible as he sits and ponders and brews. Baekhyun waits for Yixing to leave until he cries. He cries and cries and wishes he could tell Yixing everything and be the friend that Yixing deserves. 

 

Baekhyun spends three days studying for finals and taking an exam and not sleeping a wink. He thinks about how much easier everything would be if he didn't find Yixing more beautiful than anything he's ever seen, more kind and warm and gentle and good than any person he's ever met. He could be such a better friend to Yixing if he didn't always need to pull back just that little bit. If he didn't have to fear that his fingertips may burn into Yixing’s flesh and ruin everything. 

 

Yixing calls him after Baekhyun’s done a presentation for his public speaking class. 

 

“Come over tonight.”

 

Baekhyun remembers trying to make plans for tonight  _ last  _ week. 

 

“Don't you have a thing with your girlfriend?” 

 

“Nah, we… we broke up.”

 

Baekhyun halts in his tracks. The person walking behind him bumps into him and curses at him. 

 

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don't be. Just come over, okay? I really want to talk.” Baekhyun doesn't respond to him so Yixing sighs and decides to continue. “I want to apologize for getting so mad at you the other day.”

 

Baekhyun’s voice is small when he says, “you have every right to be angry at me.”

 

Another sigh. “I’ll see you in a few.”

 

Baekhyun is kind of scared to go over. He doesn't know what words will be said and what blows their friendship might take to the gut. He doesn't know why Yixing wants to apologize, as Baekhyun had hurt him and  _ deserves  _ to be reprimanded the way he had been. Baekhyun is a bad friend and Yixing deserves better. And to make matters worse, the skin beneath Baekhyun’s eyes are stained a deep blue again, just like they were back in high school, and when he gets like this, he has little control over what he says and does. Exhaustion makes him a slightly different person, and he knows it worries Yixing when he looks like this.

 

When Yixing answers the door, however, he's smiling warmly and genuinely. Baekhyun doesn’t know what he did to deserve someone who will always welcome him with wide open arms, eager and enthusiastic just to be with him. Even when Baekhyun fucks up enormously.

 

Baekhyun sits in the centre of Yixing’s bed with his legs crossed beneath him and his hands in his lap because he doesn’t really know what to do with himself. Yixing is finishing up a project, as he’d explained to Baek, and he’ll only be a couple more minutes, typing away on his laptop, sitting at his desk. His typing has become much faster than it was that first day they spoke back in high school, when he told Baekhyun he was loud and hard to miss and Baekhyun was blushing for reasons he didn’t know. 

 

Baekhyun thinks about all the times he’s blushed around Yixing for reasons he didn’t know. All the times Baekhyun caught the other staring at him while he wasn’t paying attention, the times Yixing told him he looked nice in whatever he was wearing, every time Yixing has ever been  _ remarkably  _ nice to Baekhyun. Yixing is always nice. Sometimes he’s extra nice, and it makes Baekhyun’s stomach twist in knots. 

 

With a sigh, Yixing closes his laptop and Baekhyun’s heartbeat is racing, his blood pumping rapidly in his ears, because he doesn’t know what Yixing is going to say and Baekhyun hates it when he doesn’t know things. He much prefers to know everything. He’s sure Yixing is probably the same way and the thought floods Baekhyun with another wave of guilt for hiding something from him for so long. Yixing gets up from his seat at his desk and settles himself next to Baekhyun, facing him, leaning his forearms on his knees so he can lean the slightest bit into Baek’s space.

 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Yixing says, “it was wrong of me to do.”

 

Baekhyun looks up from his lap, meeting Yixing’s eyes. His breath is terribly shallow. “No, Xing, you have every right to be upset with me.”

 

Yixing shakes his head, studying Baekhyun’s face with that usual intensity of his. Baekhyun tries to follow the trail of his gaze but gets lost and falls behind as Yixing’s eyes flicker from one feature to the next. “I have absolutely no right.”

 

Baekhyun leans back a bit, taking  _ his turn  _ to study Yixing’s face. He is entirely unsure what he means. Yixing can’t be serious, right?

 

“You hid something from me because you felt it would be best for me. For our friendship.” Baekhyun nods as Yixing speaks. Why Yixing is just rubbing in his face the wounds he’s seared into their friendship, Baekhyun doesn’t know. But it stings. “I can’t be angry at you for it because I’ve been doing the exact same thing since we were kids.”

 

One, two blinks. Baekhyun speaks. “What?”

 

“I’ve been hiding something from you since we were eighteen, Baek, because I felt like telling you would ruin what we have.”

 

That sounds awfully familiar. Baekhyun can’t find words to say. He merely stares back at Yixing with wide eyes and fidgeting fingers and he’s confused and relieved at the same time. Yixing understands him and forgives him but at the same time, they’re both keeping secrets from each other and Baekhyun doesn’t like it. They’re supposed to be best friends and they’re supposed to tell each other everything. Baekhyun thinks a friendship without honesty is worse than no friendship with Yixing at all.

 

“I’ll… I’ll tell you my secret,” Baek whispers, “if you tell me yours.”

 

Yixing’s smile - always beautiful, always heartbreaking - is indescribably soft, the corners of his lips fuzzing and his eyes softening until they’re pools of molten chocolate. Yixing is always so beautiful and he’s always so gentle it’s irreparable and Baekhyun wonders if Yixing’s anatomy is made of the warmth under your sheets when you wake up after a deep sleep. 

 

“I’ve loved you forever, Baekhyun. I’ve always loved you.”

 

Now, Baekhyun doesn’t know if he’s seeing things or hearing things but he thinks the way Yixing is gazing at him expectantly, longingly, openly, it… it just might be real. 

 

Baekhyun has a lot of things he wants to say right now but the only word that leaves his lips is, “why?” and Yixing laughs with that melodious little giggle of his and Baekhyun feels like his chest is filled with hot air. He’s probably floating, really, and maybe Yixing and the bed and the floor are floating with him. 

 

“You’re the first person I met in Korea who was genuinely nice to me, you know.”

 

“You- you had already been at my school for months before I met you.”

 

“I know,” Yixing says with a nod. He smiles gently, lovingly, and Baekhyun is suddenly hyperaware of how close Yixing is to him. “You’re the best person I know, Byun Baekhyun.”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say. He watches Yixing’s face for a moment, which is genuine and resolute and unyielding. Those beautiful, beautiful features of his contorted into something so incredibly honest and earnest. Baekhyun has never loved something so much in his life.

 

He decides he doesn’t need to say anything. Instead, he reaches a hand forward and catches Yixing’s cheek in his palm, his thumb finding his bottom lip. He remembers that summer evening on the hill, how he’d so desperately wanted to reach up and press his lips to Yixing’s and take what he’s wanted for so long. He thinks about the way Yixing looked at him, eyes flooded with sadness, and Baekhyun now recognizes that type of sadness. The sadness you feel when something so valuable to you is just barely out of reach, and the only thing keeping you from stepping forward and grabbing it is yourself. 

 

Baekhyun is tired of holding himself back. He moves his thumb out of the way and replaces it with his lips and Yixing’s lungs release a sigh of contentment and Baekhyun melts in his place. Yixing’s lips are softer than they look and his hands are so warm as they find his waist, his back, tracing every inch of him with the heat of his palms. Baekhyun’s heart is doing that skipping, leaping, dancing, stopping thing, and if he wasn’t so exhausted from days without sleep he’d probably be genuinely concerned about the way Yixing makes his chest do so much at once. Their mouths meld together perfectly and Yixing’s face is heating up under Baekhyun’s touch and Baekhyun is  _ so in love  _ and he hates himself for waiting so long to do this.

 

They pull apart, lips hardly brushing, groggily opening their eyelids to watch the way each other’s eyes cloud with want and admiration. Yixing’s breath is hot against Baekhyun’s mouth and his eyelashes are so pretty framing his pretty eyes and before Baekhyun can register what’s happening, he’s being pulled into Yixing’s lap. He kisses Yixing again, drunk off the feeling of being  _ so close  _ to him, every inch of them pressed together. 

 

“I’ve dreamed about this so many times.” Yixing’s voice is low and his hands are flat against Baekhyun’s back, pressing him even tighter against him. “I’ve wanted you for so long.” A kiss to his lips, his cheek, his jaw, his neck. Baekhyun hums, looping his arms tightly around Yixing’s neck. 

 

“Hope I meet expectations,” Baekhyun jokes. Because he always jokes.

 

“You’re everything and more,” Yixing says with entire honesty. Because Yixing always speaks with entire honesty.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t think he can last a moment longer without being entirely connected to Yixing. So, he dives back in, lips against lips, teeth against teeth, just to feel every bit of Yixing against him, to taste the longing and the desire behind his teeth and with every broken sigh. Yixing’s kisses taste like everything Baekhyun has been missing for years, like everything he’s been aimlessly searching for, but they also taste the slightest bit hesitant. And it hits him.

 

“Yixing,” Baekhyun barely pulls back to breathe. He flutters heavy eyelids open to look into Yixing’s and continues, “how many men have you kissed?”

 

Yixing’s eyes flicker down to Baekhyun’s lips - which must be swollen and red and slippery - and the hands pressed flat against Baekhyun’s back curl their fingers, digging deep into his flesh. “Only one.”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say, but he also isn’t prepared for Yixing to ask the next question.

 

“How many have you kissed?”

 

And Baekhyun only sighs because he can’t give Yixing an answer. Yixing is still searching, though, between Baekhyun’s eyes, and Baekhyun thinks Yixing’s eyes look a little bit sad and regretful and he feels guilty. “More than one,” is the answer he’s willing to give, because he lost count in just that first month, as he tried to discover what he liked and didn’t like.

 

Yixing nods. His eyes look solemn.

 

“We’re pretty stupid, huh?” Baekhyun says, in hopes to ease that bit of sadness. “But, hey,” he nudges Yixing’s nose with his own, “here we are, now.”

 

And that seems to work, because Yixing’s hum sounds pleased and he pulls Baekhyun in another kiss. This time, it’s more heated, more desperate, more reaching than just floating, and they’re breathless and flushed and struggling to undress each other while trying to remain as close as possible. When they’re pressed together, chest to chest, skin to skin, Baekhyun blinks blearily for a moment, wondering if he’s dreaming. He’s plenty tired, plenty stressed, and Yixing looks so stupidly beautiful bare and breathless for him - thanks to his dance classes, Baekhyun is sure - that the chances of this all being entirely surreal are pretty big. 

 

“Pinch me,” he whispers, and Yixing giggles but complies, pinching the flesh of Baekhyun’s thigh between his fingers. He yelps, it stings, and that’s all the confirmation Baekhyun needs before he’s pushing at Yixing’s shoulders until he’s flat on his back with Baekhyun’s thighs on either side of his hips. 

 

“You may not be the first man I’ve been with,” Baekhyun says, watching the flicker of melancholy behind Yixing’s eyes before he continues, “but you’re certainly the most important.”

 

Yixing breathes Baekhyun’s name with every ounce of sincerity that floods Yixing’s system at all times. Yixing, who is inconceivably honest and good and true to his word. Yixing, whom you never have to tip-toe around, or worry that he doesn’t mean it when he says he likes you, because he always does. He always means it. 

 

Baekhyun is so unbelievably, unimaginably in love with Yixing that he can’t even remember what anything he’s ever tasted tastes like, except for the skin pulled taut over Yixing’s collarbones as Baekhyun laves it with his tongue and his lips and his teeth. Yixing’s breath is shallow and unrehearsed, and Baekhyun loves drawing those breathless little sounds out of him as he tastes him and touches him and ravishes him with affection.

 

“I know this is your first time with a man,” Baekhyun whispers, breathes. “So, I want it to be perfect.”

 

“It is perfect,” Yixing sounds zealous, like he’s speaking gospel. “It’s perfect, you’re perfect.”

 

“You of all people,” Baekhyun laughs, “knows that isn’t true.”

 

Yixing smiles as Baekhyun sits up to look down at him. Yixing’s beautiful, gentle hands come up to push through Baekhyun’s hair. “Okay, perhaps not  _ perfect.  _ But you’re just right.”

 

Baekhyun can’t help the grin that splits his face as he ducks down for yet another series of kisses. He moans as Yixing’s hands wander his body, mapping it all out and committing it to memory. Baekhyun thinks about the first time he touched a man so intimately, how he couldn’t stop feeling the straight, strong lines, admiring the way muscle and bone felt under his touch. He hopes he’s enough for Yixing, and as the elder’s hands slide down past his tailbone to squeeze his ass in his fists, Baekhyun thinks he just might be plenty. 

 

“I forgot to tell you my secret,” Baekhyun says, lips hot against Yixing’s. The words travel straight from his mouth into Yixing’s and Yixing only hums while looking at Baekhyun with hooded, foggy eyes. “So, here goes. I’ve been in love with you forever, too. It took me a long time to realize it, but I always have. I always have.”

 

Yixing’s breath hitches and his irises literally sparkle and he smiles against Baekhyun’s lips as he squeeze him tighter. “I figured as much,” Yixing says with a deliberate squeeze to his hip bones, “but it still feels so good to hear you say it.”

 

“You have all of me, you know,” Baekhyun says, looking intently into Yixing’s eyes and attempting to appear as sincere as Yixing always is. “You can have all of me.”

 

And Yixing seems to understand what Baekhyun means, with the lowness of his voice as he said those last words and the way his gaze is unyielding and the way he rolls his hips  the most subtle amount. Yixing gasps, hardly, quietly, and his eyes cloud over completely, and they look so dark they’re essentially all pupil and Baekhyun thinks he can get used to seeing Yixing like this. Yixing, who never does anything with half his effort, and half his heart, dedicating all of his effort and heart to Baekhyun. 

 

“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” Yixing says, a slight shake in his voice that he disguises as a giggle, now that Baekhyun is flat on his back with his knees spread apart and Yixing is coating his fingers with lube. Baekhyun smiles up at him, warmth emanating from somewhere deep in his chest, and he loves the way Yixing looks when he’s this careful.

 

“Don’t worry,” Baekhyun says and his smile is literally audible around his words. “You trust me to tell you what’s good and what isn’t, right?”

 

And although both he and Yixing haven’t been the greatest communicators over the course of their friendship, Baekhyun thinks those days are long gone. Yixing must think so, too, because his smile is anything but hesitant and he nods with all the candor he can muster up.

 

“Just start with one,” Baekhyun says, and Yixing’s eyes somehow darken, “and I’ll tell you when I’m ready for another.”

 

If there’s one thing Yixing is good at, it’s following instructions. He’s always been a good student, always picked up on things quickly. Like Korean, and dance, and being the dearest and most trustworthy friend Baekhyun could ever find in this sea of people. And right now, as he eases in the second finger after Baekhyun’s command, he immediately starts scissoring them, pumping them fluidly, curling them until he finds the spot that makes Baekhyun’s back arch of the mattress. 

 

“I thought,” he needs to pause to catch his breath, “I thought you said you said you don’t know what you’re doing.”

 

Yixing chuckles and Baekhyun savours the sound. Another crook of his fingers and stars burst at the corners of Baekhyun’s vision. “You’re an easy person to map out.”

 

And Baekhyun thinks that’s very untrue. Baekhyun spent years attempting to map himself out until he found where he was supposed to go, and who he was supposed to be. No one has ever acquainted themselves with Baekhyun as quickly and easily as Yixing has. Even Jongdae, his best friend in high school, had been his friend since they were so small Baekhyun can’t even remember that time, hadn’t known Baekhyun inside out the way Yixing did after two weeks. He thinks maybe it’s because everyone has always talked to Baekhyun, talked  _ with  _ Baekhyun. Yixing has only ever listened.

 

“I love you,” Baekhyun breathes and the curl of Yixing’s perfect lips is the best thing he’s ever seen. “Another.”

 

Yixing complies, because he always does. Even though Baekhyun’s mind is foggy with absolute pleasure, he thinks of all the times Yixing has heeded Baekhyun’s requests. He even went and found himself a nice Chinese girl, just because Baekhyun said he would. Baekhyun giggles, and Yixing looks at him questioningly, but Baekhyun doesn’t supply an answer, he only moans just to let Yixing know he’s doing good.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Yixing says, lowly enough that Baekhyun almost thinks he wasn’t even intended to hear it. “How could I not fall in love with you?”

 

And as the pleasure continues to build at the base of his spine, dripping into his veins and his bones and every inch of him, he thinks about the way Yixing used to light up talking about his nice Chinese girl. Baekhyun used to envy that, wishing Yixing would sparkle at the thought of him, but perhaps Baekhyun just wasn’t observant enough to notice it. The way Yixing would glow in the presence of Baekhyun, and how his gaze would linger when Baekhyun had long turned away, and how Yixing told him his laugh was devastating on that summer evening, seemingly a thousand years ago. It had always been right in front of him, and Baekhyun was too stubborn, too tired, too coated in self loathing to acknowledge it. 

 

“I’m ready,” he breathes, and Yixing looks as though he’s panicking. Baekhyun giggles. “Quit being so cute and just fuck me.”

 

Yixing blushes furiously as he reaches for the condom that had been abandoned on the bed. “You’ve never had a filter, you know,” Yixing says, “you’ve always said too much. I’ve always admired that about you.”

 

“You’ve always listened,” Baekhyun says. “If you’d talked as often as everyone else, you wouldn’t have heard half the shit I’ve said to you.”

 

“Well,” Yixing’s voice wavers a bit as he rolls the condom on, “we wouldn’t want that, would we?”

 

Baekhyun concludes that, no, they wouldn’t. He likes it just the way it is. Even if it has taken forever to get here. It’s taken forever to get Yixing right where he is, between Baekhyun’s thighs, rubbing warm hands up and down Baekhyun’s torso as he slowly sinks in. Baekhyun sighs, releases little noises, and Baekhyun can see Yixing holding his breath.

 

“That’s it,” Baekhyun encourages as Yixing’s hips meet his own. “You’re so good, love.”

 

Yixing smiles, ducks down for another kiss. The first in a while, Baekhyun’s noticed, and he hadn’t realized how much he missed Yixing’s mouth on his. Yixing’s first thrust is slow, calculated, safe, and Baek smiles against his lips.

 

“You don’t have to be so careful, you know,” Baekhyun says, dragging blunt fingernails down Yixing’s back. “I won’t break. And between you and me,” he swipes his tongue along the backs of Yixing’s teeth, “I like it rough.”

 

Yixing breathes out and it sounds vaguely like a chuckle. “I take it back,” he thrusts quicker this time, making Baekhyun yip, “you are perfect.”

 

He immediately sets himself a pace that’s quick enough to have Baekhyun scrambling at Yixing’s skin for purchase, helpless moans pushing up from his chest, but slow enough that they can savour this, feel it as long and as much as they want. Yixing’s breaths occasionally release as groans and whines, and Baekhyun drinks them in, lets them seep into his pores. He watches Yixing, the pinch between his eyebrows and the pout of his kiss-bruised lips as he focusses on the task at hand. His waist is a spectacle, all strength and health and coordination. Damn, those dance classes are paying off. His hips are so fluid and his torso is so strong and Baekhyun feels dizzy with all the bliss thrumming through his veins. 

 

Baekhyun might not be perfect, and neither is Yixing. But, fuck, this is. This is so perfect.

 

And then Baekhyun realizes that the door isn’t locked and Chanyeol might come home and he panics for a second but then Yixing is lifting his hips and driving into him  _ just right  _ and he cries out so loud that he forgets his name for a moment. But then Yixing is panting it, moaning it, and Baekhyun remembers who he is and where he is, and he’s begging for Yixing to go harder, faster, until he reaches where he desperately needs to go.

 

He can feel sweat pooling in his hairline and the divots of his collarbone and the hollows around his hips. He sees the way Yixing’s creamy skin is beginning to shimmer and his eyes are so blown out Baekhyun can see stars in them, and he whimpers one final  _ please  _ before Yixing wraps his fist around Baekhyun’s flushed and leaking cock and yanking him over the edge. He tumbles and he plunges down with full force as the rubber bands inside him snap. His back arches and his vision goes white and he thinks he says Yixing’s name but he can’t be entirely sure. Yixing only needs to thrust once, twice, more until he’s stilling against Baekhyun, his groans muffled in the juncture of his neck and shoulder, and Baekhyun thinks he can physically taste the pleasure on his tongue.

 

The room eventually stops spinning. Yixing’s breathing evens, and Baekhyun figures his own has, as well. Instead of getting up to shower, to clean up, his eyes flutter closed. He can vaguely register Yixing shuffling about, doing whatever it is he’s doing, until he’s lying at Baekhyun’s side and throwing an arm over his waist. Yixing’s skin is warm, always has been, and Baekhyun thinks that all those times they sat atop the hill and Baekhyun felt the sun warming his skin, it might have just been Yixing coating him in incandescence all along.

 

He falls asleep, and he has the first deep, full, satisfying sleep he’s had in years.

 

\-----

 

Baekhyun is still twenty-two years old when he and Yixing graduate. 

 

Despite the fact that the last stretch of school was full to bursting with a million projects and assignments and responsibilities, Baekhyun no longer has bruises beneath his eyes from exhaustion’s punches. He sleeps well, when Yixing has his arm around his waist and his face in his neck, and he thinks feeling full is what makes his eyelids heavy enough at night that he can finally sleep the way sleep is supposed to be.

 

Yixing is enrolled in Grad School classes come autumn, and Baekhyun has a job lined up at an elementary school, only a five minute walk away from the apartment that he and Yixing had signed the lease for just a few days ago.

 

“You’ll fit right in,” Yixing had said when Baekhyun ended the call with the school that told him they would be happy to add him to their payroll. “You’ll probably enjoy finger painting and naptime more than the actual four-year-olds.”

 

“You say that as if no one would,” Baekhyun had grinned, settling into Yixing’s lap to kiss him soundly on the mouth. “Why else do you think I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher?”

 

Baekhyun is infinitely excited for Yixing. Yixing will study until he becomes the greatest musician and dancer the world has ever seen. They’re unsure what will come after that, but Baekhyun thinks Yixing is capable of owning the entire world, and Baekhyun has a feeling Yixing will not settle for anything less. Even if he says having Baekhyun is more than enough.

 

They’re unpacking boxes of their things into their new apartment. It is small, and it is modest, and it is perfect. Baekhyun doesn’t mind living in a small space with Yixing. It only means he has to be that much closer, constantly.

 

Baekhyun comes across a picture that Yixing drew for him in high school. It’s decently realistic, as Yixing is good at everything, of Baekhyun riding on the back of a giant tiger, wielding a sword, with the caption  _ you can kick this calculus exam’s ass!  _ and Baekhyun laughs loudly and unapologetically. Yixing pauses whatever he was doing to smile at Baekhyun with that same warmth that Yixing always radiates.

 

“Your laugh,” Yixing says fondly, “it’s devastating.”

 

Baekhyun smiles, his heart doing that skipping, leaping, dancing, stopping thing. “You’ve said that to me, before.”

 

“I remember,” Yixing says, weaving around boxes until he can wrap his arms around Baekhyun’s waist. “That’s the day I fell in love with you.”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t remember how to breathe. That’s the day he fell in love with Yixing, too. Instead of saying it aloud, he kisses Yixing softly, the way he knows makes Yixing’s breath catch in his throat. And Baekhyun knows they wasted a lot of time ignoring the way they were supposed to be together. But Baekhyun knows that it doesn’t matter, because they’re together the proper, perfect, just right way, right now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: bbhsteeth  
> tumblr: taetaeofficial


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